every
meeting is a combination of Christmas and Mardi Gras
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Can Our Love Go the Distance?
By Male Call MercuryNews.com Updated: Jul 12, 2007 
Question: Can a long-distance relationship work? I am 53 (never married) and recently met a lovely woman, 44. I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, and she lives in Southern California. We have been enjoying emailing and phoning each other, and I will visit her soon. However, how can a lasting relationship ever develop if we rarely see each other? -- V.L., San Francisco Bay Area
Answer: We would be the last to say that long-distance
relationships can't work. We happen to know someone who found themselves
in just that situation. And through open, honest communication, clever
scheduling and a willingness to meet the other person halfway, they were
able to forge a solid relationship. What's that? What happened to them?
No, they never got married.
They broke up after he met a flight attendant on the way to see her. Now they're married.
So things do work out sometimes.
A number of issues
Your question raises a number of issues. You say you "met" this woman and
have been e-mailing and phoning, and will visit soon. If this means you
"met'` her online, and have yet to actually get together - like, in
person? - then you haven't really "met" her. Because even though you may
have exchanged blurry photos, nothing can substitute for real face time.
Only then can you see if you have that difficult to quantify quality that
cyber daters like to refer to as "chemistry," or "how badly did he/she lie
on the dating profile?"
So if this is an online-only thing so far, please employ a useful dating
aphorism made popular by Ronald Reagan: Trust, but verify.
If you really have already met and now wonder if a relationship is worth
pursuing from long distance, here are a couple of things to consider:
One of the best things about LDRs is that
every
meeting is a combination of Christmas and Mardi Gras
every meeting is a combination of Christmas and Mardi Gras. When you see each other only once in a while, the buildup of anticipation can be, well, explosive. Invest in some of those tear-away warm-up pants they use on basketball teams. Overlook annoying habits
The downside is that, because you're having so much fun getting
reacquainted over and over and over again, you both might overlook
annoying habits - and more serious character flaws - that would be more
noticeable if you saw a lot of each other. Stuff like mullets, or
vegetarianism.
The distance itself has its pluses and minuses. On one hand, it makes it
easier to pursue other interests, because all of your time is not tied up
on dates. At least not with her. (Kidding!)
On the other hand, if you do end up falling for her, it will get
increasingly frustrating being far away. Even the most ardently erotic
late-night phone calls can't make up for being there. Though you might try
a Web-cam before doing anything drastic.
Our advice is to go ahead and give it a try, but do so without
expectations. Yes, if you fall madly in love, one of you will probably
have to move. But no need to worry about that at this early date. Instead,
think of the frequent flier miles!
Want more Male Call? You'll find it here
MercuryNews.com/malecall
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